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MARRIAGE, DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE :
A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE
(v. 25) "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?
["do not worry about your life" = do not worry not only about what you will eat, drink, wear; and this implies all details about your life like whom you will marry, having children, where you will work, etc., etc.]
(v. 33) But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well
(v. 34) Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
God will take care of the details of life including such critical matters as marriage, having children, work, where to live.
(v. 1) "My son, do not forget my [Solomon's, i.e., from the Word of God] teaching, but keep my commands in your heart,
(v. 2) For they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity.
(v. 3) Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.
(v. 4) Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.
(v. 5) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
[i.e., study what God has said in His Word so that you can trust in Him with all your heart and not lean on your own understanding]
(v. 6) in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."
[You must study & obey what God has said in His Word in order to acknowledge "in all your ways"; then He will "direct your paths"]
As the Christian grows in the knowledge of and obedience to the Word of God - thus gaining in spiritual maturity - so God will provide for the details of life for His child as He sovereignly sees fit, including a mate. This is to the greatest advantage for the child of God in the first place: to be married to the right person at the right time. However there is no guarantee of a fulfiling relationship. The key to successful Christian living is staying in fellowship with God via the leading of the Holy Spirit - treating one another in grace, not in legalism or bitterness or some other expression of the sin nature. The consequences of a less than perfect match up in marriage, (like other less-than-perfect situations in life, i.e., illness, getting old, being in the wrong job, being in the wrong church, etc., etc), can be largely overcome by continued growth in spiritual maturity as directed by God. Growing in grace, seeking first the kingdom of God, earnestly studying Scripture and permitting God to enable one to conform to His Word are vital to one's happiness in every situation. This is to be the main focus of every child of God; then "all these things": relationships - friends, husbands, wives, material things, jobs, etc. "will be added" so as to enhance ones purpose for God.
God's timing, His ways, and His thoughts about fulfilling the desires of the heart are not the same as man's. The key is to prepare oneself via an earnest study of God's Word to get His viewpoint and direction on matters. This will prepare one to be a better mate.
(v. 8) "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this [salvation is] not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -
(v. 9) not by works, so that no one can boast.
[And first & foremost on God's mind once an individual becomes a believer, a child of God, (1 Jn 1:12), is not his personal life or personal blessings to be received but his service to God]:
(v. 10) For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
C) WORKS OF SERVICE ARE TO BE DONE VIA INSTRUCTION IN AND OBEDIENCE TO GOD'S WORD
(v. 11) "It was He [Christ (v. 7)] Who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers,
(v. 12) to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up
(v. 13) until we all reach unity in the faith [= the body of teaching in God's Word] and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ."
"Do your best to to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth."
(v. 11) "It was He [Christ (v. 7)] Who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers,
(v. 12) to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up
(v. 13) until we all reach unity in the faith [= the body of teaching in God's Word] and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.
(v. 14) Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming.
(v. 15) Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Him Who is the Head, that is, Christ.
(v. 16) From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work."
II) GOD'S VIEWPOINT ON MARRIAGE
A) BELIEVERS ARE NEITHER TO MARRY NOR CLOSELY ASSOCIATE WITH UNBELIEVERS OR CARNAL CHRISTIANS
(v. 14) "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
(v. 15) What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?
(v. 16) What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: 'I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.
(v. 17) Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.
(v. 18) I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.' "
The NIV and the KJV translate "do not be bound together" as "Do not be equally yoked" which is more accurate a picture of what it means to be in fellowship with another:
Fellowship is pictured thus as 2 plow animals yoked together in close proximity, dependent upon one another relative to direction and purpose. This is not possible for the faithful believer if he is yoked with an unbeliever, carnal or immature believer.
(v. 24) "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered,
(v. 25) or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared."
So those who act like the world, even fellow believers, we are not to make friends with - especially those who might be potential mates.
"Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character.' "
(v. 7) "Many deceivers, who do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh, have gone out into the world. Any such person is the deceiver and the antichrist.
(v. 8) Watch out that you do not lose what you have worked for, but that you may be rewarded fully.
(v. 9) Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God [i.e., fellowship with Him although they are saved and eternally secure, (Eph 1:13-14)]; whoever continues in the teaching has both the Father and the Son.
(v. 10) If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not take him into your house or welcome him.
(v. 11) Anyone who welcomes him shares in his wicked work."
(v. 3) "But do not let immorality or any impurity or greed even be named among you, as is proper among saints;
(v. 4) And there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks."
[A believer is to avoid being around ungodly behavior. A believer must not have fellowship with those who do such things for he himself would be adversely influenced. Ephesians chapter 5 goes on to command the believer to have nothing to do with worldly ways - which clearly means, 'Don't associate with others that do these things'. This is especially true of those with whom you potentially could be close to, i.e., potential mates and close friends]:
(v. 11) "And do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them"
There are many reasons for the command not to have close fellowship with those who are carnal, not the least of which is that unbelievers and carnal Christians often shun the fellowship of a believer who does practice their lifestyle. If a believer does not spew out of his mouth the same ungodly wisdom that unbelievers do, he will be singled out very quickly and ostracized. Even by taking a stand that Christ is the only way to heaven, or that homosexuality and abortion are wrong, or that getting drunk is not appropriate behavior for a believer, or that coarse, suggestive or obscene language is unacceptable - all of these stands that the ambassador of Jesus Christ must make will be enough to get him 'kicked out' of fellowship with unbelievers.
Objectors to God's word which commands a believer not to have fellowship with unbelievers ask, 'How can a Christian properly witness to an unbelieving world if they don't fellowship with them in order to 'earn a hearing' or 'win their confidence.' But this implies spending a considerable amount of time with them, not contradicting their worldly ways, even conforming with those ways so as not to offend. In this way, the believer compromises his walk with Christ, subjects himself to temptation. Such behavior is not condoned by God for the sake of the gospel or any reason. Efforts such as these contaminated ones witness.
God's Word indicates that the believer is to avoid temptation and pray so as not to fall into it, (Mt 26:41). A Christian cannot claim to have fellowship with God and unbelievers at the same time.
(v. 12) To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.
(v. 13) And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him."
(v. 12) To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. (v. 13) And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him." =
Paul offers godly advice for a believer married to an unbeliever not to divorce his/her spouse if the unbelieving spouse is willing to live with one. This advice is evidently not a command from the Lord, but advice from Paul to the believing spouse, which implies that marriages of believers and unbelievers are not God's choice, and may be dissolved by divorce.
b) Paul Implies That It Is Not Advisable To Marry An Unbeliever
(v. 12) To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. (v. 13) And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him." (cont.) =
Notice that Paul implies that marriage between an believer and an unbeliever is not advisable - to the point of indicating that divorce is an option unless the unbeliever chooses to remain in the marriage.
B) ISRAELITES WERE NEITHER TO MARRY NOR CLOSELY ASSOCIATE WITH NON-ISRAELITES
(v. 11) "Obey what I command you today. I will drive out before you the Amorites, Canaanites, Hittites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites.
(v. 12) Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land where you are going, or they will be a snare among you.
(v. 13) Break down their altars, smash their sacred stones and cut down their Asherah poles.
(v. 14) Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.
(v. 15) Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land; for when they prostitute themselves to their gods and sacrifice to them, they will invite you and you will eat their sacrifices.
(v. 16) And when you choose some of their daughters as wives for your sons and those daughters prostitute themselves to their gods, they will lead your sons to do the same."
(v. 1) "When the LORD your God brings you into the land you are entering to possess and drives out before you many nations--the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites, seven nations larger and stronger than you--
(v. 2) and when the LORD your God has delivered them over to you and you have defeated them, then you must destroy them totally. Make no treaty with them, and show them no mercy.
(v. 3) Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons,
(v. 4) for they will turn your sons away from following me to serve other gods, and the LORD's anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you."
(v. 10) "Have we not all one Father? Did not one God create us? Why do we profane the covenant of our fathers by breaking faith with one another?
(v. 11) Judah has broken faith. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the LORD loves [i.e., the covenant of Israel with God to be a people separate unto God and not defiled by marriage and relationships with other peoples], by marrying the daughter of a foreign god.
(v. 12) As for the man who does this, whoever he may be, may the LORD cut him off from the tents of Jacob - even though he brings offerings to the LORD Almighty.
(v. 13) Another thing you do: You flood the LORD'S altar with tears. You weep and wail because He no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands.
(v. 14) You ask, 'Why?' It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, [from Israel whom you divorced], because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
[BKC, p. 581]:
"These were the tears [v. 13] of the men who (after divorcing their Israelite wives to marry pagans, (v. 14) found that the LORD no longer received their offerings"]
(v. 15) Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because He was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
(v. 16a) 'I hate divorce', says the LORD God of Israel"
(v. 2) "Then Shecaniah son of Jehiel, one of the descendants of Elam, said to Ezra, 'We have been unfaithful to our God by marrying foreign women from the peoples around us. But in spite of this, there is still hope for Israel.
(v. 3) Now let us make a covenant before our God to send away all these women and their children, in accordance with the counsel of my lord and of those who fear the commands of our God. Let it be done according to the Law.
(v. 4) Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it.'
(v. 5) So Ezra rose up and put the leading priests and Levites and all Israel under oath to do what had been suggested. And they took the oath.
(v. 10) Then Ezra the priest stood up and said to them [all the men of Judah and Benjamin, (v. 9)], 'You have been unfaithful; you have married foreign women, adding to Israel's guilt.
(v. 11) Now make confession to the LORD, the God of your fathers, and do His will. Separate yourselves from the peoples around you and from your foreign wives.'
(v. 16) So the
exiles [Israelites who had been exiled] did as was proposed [details in
vv. 12-15]. Ezra the priest selected men who were family heads, one from
each family division, and all of them designated by name. On the first day
of the tent month they sat down to investigate the cases,
(v. 17) and by the first day of the first month they finished dealing
with all the men who had married foreign women."
[BKC, The Bible Knowledge Commentary, NT Edition, Walvoord & Zuck Eds., Victor Books, USA, 1988; pp. 670-1]:
"One man, Shecaniah, spoke for all the people who were weeping. He acknowledged the unfaithfulness of the nation but he felt that there was still hope for Israel. He suggested that the people covenant before ... God to divorce the foreign women and send them away along with the children they had borne. This was to be done according to the Law. Shecaniah promised Ezra that the people would stand behind him in such a decision. Shecaniah was calling on the nation to do something distasteful and difficult, something that could cause bitter division between family members and friends. However, he appealed on the basis of the Law of God which was supposed to be the people's rule of life. The Law also was a safeguard for this situation, for an Israelite could marry a woman from outside the nation if she had become Jewish in faith. Perhaps that is why each marriage was investigated thoroughly (vv. 16-19) - to see if any women had become Jewish proselytes.
Though divorce was not the norm, it may have been preferable in this situation because the mixed marriages, if continued, would lead the nation away from true worship of Yahweh. Eventually they would destroy the nation....
In just 11 days the examining began (cf. vv. 9, 16). It took three months for all the marriages to be examined, from the first day of the 10th month (December-January 457) to the first day of the 1st month of the next year (March-April 456). Obviously the problem was widespread and could not be settled in a day (v. 13). Each case was judged individually so that justice would be done. By this action the community was not saying that divorce was good. It was a matter of following God's Law about the need for religious purity in the nation (Ex 34:11-16; Deut 7:1-4). Ezra wrote nothing about what happened to these foreign women or their children. Presumably they returned to their pagan countries."
[Notice that the higher principle of maintaining religious purity amongst the Israelites took precedence over the principles of marriage]
A biblical message of vows before God and witnesses including a declaration which shows an understanding of God's viewpoint on marriage - preferably quotations from Scripture is in view.
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
Marriage can only be between a man and a woman where they are joined together as a single entity. It involves the leaving of the old, childhood life and starting something new.
(v. 4) ''' "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female',
(v. 5) and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'
(v. 6) [Jesus said] "So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." '''
(v. 14) '''You ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
(v. 15) Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
(v. 16) "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.'''
Notice that the LORD is a witness of the marriage covenant which is intended to be permanent, so a wedding ceremony should reflect this fact. God says here that marriage is a covenant, one witnessed and sealed by Him. A commitment is a civil agreement. A covenant is religious by nature and should be presided over by a religious official. Breaking a commitment can be done by mutual agreement. However, a covenant is considered binding and can only be broken if God has provided for such a dissolution - such as adultery, the presence of witnesses a public document was recorded and signed by witnesses. All covenants had witnesses.
"But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' "
Because marriage is a covenant to be entered freely by two individuals, is must be witnessed by at least two or three people. This idea is confirmed in Matthew 18:16, where Jesus quotes Leviticus, "Out of the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed."
(v.9) "Then Boaz announced to the elders and all the people, "Today you are witnesses that I have bought from Naomi all the property of Elimelech, Kilion and Mahlon.
(v. 10) I have also acquired Ruth the Moabitess, Mahlon's widow, as my wife, in order to maintain the name of the dead with his property, so that his name will not disappear from among his family or from the town records. Today you are witnesses!"
(v. 11) Then the elders and all those at the gate said, "We are witnesses. May the LORD make the woman who is coming into your home like Rachel and Leah, who together built up the house of Israel. May you have standing in Ephrathah and be famous in Bethlehem.
(v. 12) Through the offspring the LORD gives you by this young woman, may your family be like that of Perez, whom Tamar bore to Judah."
Ruth 4:9-12 shows this applies specifically to marriage when Boaz seeks out witnesses to secure his right to marry Ruth, the Moabitess. There, the witnesses even pronounce a marriage blessing on them.
The presence of witnesses a public document was recorded and signed by witnesses. (All covenants had witnesses.) This was a written covenant of marriage. Of course, marriage ceremonies were also a common practice - simply because the couple and the parents wanted everyone to celebrate the couples' marriage. You will remember that Jesus attended one of these Jewish marriage ceremonies (John 2:1-2).
(v. 1) "Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.
(v. 7) Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor."
In Romans 13, Paul tells us that we are to be in subjection to governing authorities. In other words, we are to obey the laws of the land because God has placed those people in power. Then, in verse 7, he writes, "Render to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor."
Our laws recognize the holy union of marriage, require it to be between a man and a woman, recognizes the covenant nature of marriage by sanctioning clergy to perform marriage ceremonies, and require witnesses. Therefore, in order to give marriage proper honor and to render the proper respect to the governing authorities, legal marriage is both required and appropriate. It does not follow that legal marriage is not necessary in today's society.
E) MARRIAGE IS TO BE ENTERED INTO AS A PERMANENT UNION
1) [Compare Gen 2:20b-24]:
(v. 20b) "But for Adam no suitable helper was found.
(v. 21) So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh.
(v. 22) Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
(v. 23) The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."
(v. 24) For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
(v. 4) "Haven't you read," He [Jesus] replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'
(v. 5) and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'?' [Gen 2:20b-24]
(v. 6) So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
"separate" = "chOrizetO", divorce in this context. Str. # 5563 same root word as in 1 Cor 7:10.
Notice that marriage in general of all mankind, not just under the Law, is presented in Mt 19:4-6 by Jesus Christ from the perspective of Genesis 2:20b-24 as not to be separated, i.e., divorce is not acceptable between a husband and wife.
(v. 14) "You ask, 'Why?' It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, [from Israel whom you divorced], because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
(v. 15) Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because He was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
(v. 16a) 'I hate divorce', says the LORD God of Israel"
F) MARRIAGES ARE TO BE MONOGAMOUS
The clearest evidence that monogamy is God’s ideal is from Christ’s teaching on marriage in Mt 19:3–6.
(v. 3) '''Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"
(v. 4) "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'
(v. 5) and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ?
(v. 6) So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." '''
In this passage, He cited the Genesis creation account, in particular Gen. 1:27 and 2:24, saying ‘the two will become one flesh’.
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
(v. 22) "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
(v. 23) For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior."
Another important biblical teaching is the parallel of husband and wife with Christ and the Church in Eph. 5:22–33, which makes sense only with monogamy — Jesus will not have multiple brides.
"You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."
The 10th Commandment ‘… You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife [singular] …’ presupposes the ideal that there is only one wife.
"Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach"
Polygamy is expressly forbidden for church elders (1 Tim. 3:2):
"But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband."
Notice that monogamy is not just for elders, because Paul also wrote: ‘each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.’ Paul goes on to explain marital duties in terms that make sense only with one husband to one wife.
8) [Compare OT passages on godly people as examples of monogamy]:
The example of godly people is also important.
Isaac and Rebekah were monogamous — they are often used as a model in Jewish weddings today. Other examples were Joseph and Asenath, and Moses and Zipporah. And the only survivors of the Flood were four monogamous couples.
9) Compare OT passages evidencing polygamy & its consequences]:
A very important point to remember is that not everything recorded in the Bible is approved in the Bible. Consider where polygamy originated — first in the line of the murderer Cain, not the godly line of Seth. The first recorded polygamist was the murderer Lamech (Gen. 4:23–24). Then Esau, who despised his birthright, also caused much grief to his parents by marrying two pagan wives (Gen. 26:34). God also forbade the kings of Israel to be polygamous (Deut. 17:17). Look at the trouble when they disobeyed, including deadly sibling rivalry between David’s sons from his different wives; and Solomon’s hundreds of wives helped lead Solomon to idolatry (1 Kings 11:1–3). Also, Hannah, Samuel’s mother, was humiliated by her husband Elkanah’s other wife Peninnah (1 Sam. 1:1–7).
10) [Compare OT passages on godly men who were nevertheless polygamous]:
What about godly men who were polygamous? Abraham and Sarah would have been monogamous apart from a low point in their faith when Hagar became a second wife - note how much strife this caused later. Jacob only wanted Rachel, but was tricked into marrying her older sister Leah, and later he took their slave girls at the sisters’ urging, due to the rivalry between the sisters. Jacob was hardly at a spiritual high point at those times, and neither was David when he added Abigail and Ahinoam (1 Sam. 25:42–43). Why did God seem to allow it, then? It is more like the case of divorce, which God tolerated for a while under certain conditions because of the hardness of their hearts, but was not the way it was intended from the beginning (Matt. 19:8). But whenever the Mosaic law had provisions for polygamy, it was always the conditional ‘If he takes another wife to himself …’ (Ex.21:10), never an encouragement. God put a number of obligations of the husband towards the additional wives which would discourage polygamy. It is no wonder that polygamy was unknown among the Jews after the Babylonian exile, and monogamy was the rule even among the Greeks and Romans by New Testament times.
G) MARRIAGE IS A PICTURE IN THE OLD TESTAMENT OF GOD'S RELATIONSHIP WITH ISRAEL
"For your Maker is your husband - the LORD Almighty is His name - the holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth."
(v. 32) ''' "It will not be like the covenant I made with their forefathers when I took them by the hand to lead them out of Egypt, because they broke My covenant, though I was a husband to them," declares the LORD.
(v. 33) "This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time," declares the LORD.
"I will put My law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be My people.
(v. 34) No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' because they will all know Me, from the least of them to the greatest," declares the LORD. For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more." '''
H) MARRIAGE IS A PICTURE IN THE CHURCH AGE OF OUR LORD'S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CHURCH
(v. 25) "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her
[Notice that the husband's role in marriage is a picture of how our Lord gave Himself up for His bride, the church, (v. 26)]
(v. 26) to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word.
[Jesus Christ gave Himself upon the cross for a number of reasons, not the least of which is for His bride, the church, for the purpose of making her holy, cleansing her spiritually via the work of the indwelling Holy Spirit, (water = symbol of the Holy Spirit, ref. Jn 7:38-39a) through the individual believer's study & obedience to the Word.
In like manner, a husband has his responsibility to be the spiritual leader/teacher of his wife, to enable her to be holy, to spend time with her in order to nurture her spiritually via the work of the indwelling Holy Spirit in each of them through the study of the Word]
(v. 27) and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but Holy and blameless.
(v. 28) In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
(v. 29) After all no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church -
(v. 30) for we are members of His body.
(v. 31) For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
[Notice that just as the husband & wife separate from their families to be joined together as one;
so the born again child of God is to separate himself apart from the world acting as one in his relationship with the Lord]
(v. 32) This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church.
(v. 33) However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
I) PRACTICAL ADVICE AND COMMANDS FROM SCRIPTURE ON MARRIAGE FOR NEW TESTAMENT BELIEVERS
(v. 6:15) '''Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never!
(v. 6:16) Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."
(v. 6:17) But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
(v. 6:18) Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
(v. 6:19) Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
(v. 6:20) you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."
i) Sexual Immorality Unites One With One's Illegitimate Partner And Defiles The Marriage
"Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." =
Notice that sexual immorality with a prostitute, or for that matter anyone outside of marriage unites that individual with one. Hence to do this when one is married, i.e., adultery, defiles the marriage and creates an illegitimate union with another. It breaks the bond and unity of the marriage.
"Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry."
Paul responds with advice relative to what the Corinthinans wrote about: "It is good for a one not to marry. Evidently Paul is focusing on best serving the Lord and living a godly life. This is not to say that one should not marry. This is a general statement and not a mandate that every one should not be married. Otherwise how would the human race procreate - which is one of God's commandments?
(v. 1) "Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.
(v. 2) But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband."
"But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband." =
Notice that the opening statement that it is good for a man not to marry to some end not stipulated is given an 'on the other hand' response: on the other hand, because there is such immorality which pertains to one's liability to become immoral as a result of remaining single, pointing in the main to sexual immorality, Paul stipulates as a compromise that each man and woman should be married. This is a general statement, and not a mandate that every one should be married.
(v. 1) "Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.
(v. 2) But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.
(v. 3) The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
(v. 4) The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife."
i) Husbands And Wives Should Fulfill Their Marital Duty To Satisfy Their Spouses Sexual Needs
"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband" =
Paul advised in view of so much immorality for each one to be married and spouses were to make an effort to fulfill one another's sexual needs so as not to fall into temptation.
(v. 3) "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (v. 4) The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife." =
The husband's body does not belong to him alone nor the wife's signifying that each spouse has ownership of one another's bodies relative but not limited to sexual intercourse.
(v. 1) "Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.
(v. 2) But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.
(v. 3) The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
(v. 4) The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
(v. 5) Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
(v. 3) "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (v. 4) The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. (v. 5) Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." =
Husbands and wives are not to deprive one another of sexual needs except by mutual consent and that only for a time in consideration of the possibility of lack of self-control, in order to devote themselves to prayer.
(v. 1) "Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.
(v. 2) But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.
(v. 3) The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
(v. 4) The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
(v. 5) Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
(v. 6) I say this as a concession, not as a command."
"I say this as a concession, not as a command." =
Notice that verses 1-5 is couched in terms of concession not command, i.e., not a doctrinal statement which is to be obeyed by all believers. Paul concedes the possibility that believers may decide to marry instead of remaining single in order to serve the Lord, in which case husbands and wives must concede that they have mutual duties toward one another not the least of which is to tend to one another's sexual needs. This implies that each believer has his own life to lead before the Lord and may decide to marry or not. The implication is that the best way to serve the Lord is as a single person, but each is to decide for himself in view of one's particular situation, gifts and propensities.
(v. 1) "Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.
(v. 2) But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.
(v. 3) The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
(v. 4) The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
(v. 5) Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
(v. 6) I say this as a concession, not as a command.
(v. 7) I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that."
"I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that" =
Paul so far has provided some godly advice in which he says he wishes that all men were as he is, evidently single and completely focused on serving the Lord, and gifted as such, largely without the distractions of marriage, family and sexual responsibility and activity and worldly activities one might otherwise be engaged in. On the other hand, he offers that believers are individuals each with "his own gift from God" so as to leave such decisions to each one, especially as to whether to marry or not.
(v. 1) "Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.
(v. 2) But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.
(v. 3) The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
(v. 4) The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
(v. 5) Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
(v. 6) I say this as a concession, not as a command.
(v. 7) I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
(v. 8) Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.
(v. 9) But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
(v. 6) "I say this as a concession, not as a command. (v. 7) I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. (v. 8) Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. (v. 9) But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.' " =
Author Paul refers to the unmarried and widows relative to serving the Lord and advises them that "It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am." Evidently Paul is unmarried. On the other hand, if they cannot control their sexual passion, they should marry.
(v. 10) "To the married [believers who are married are in view] I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband."
i) Paul Provides A Command From The Lord Relative To Believers Not Separating, i.e., Not Divorcing
"To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord)" =
Notice that here Paul commands fellow believers relative to divorce in the manner described: "not I, but the Lord". Heretofore, his points were godly advice to be taken relative to one's own personal walk with God.
ii) The Subject Of Divorce Of Believers Is At Hand Relative To All Marriages Jew & Gentile Alike
"A wife must not separate from her husband" =
"must not separate" = "me .chOristhEnai", Str. # 5563
.........................................lit.,"not let to be separated" = aorist, passive, infinitive.
Available meanings of this word in accordance with usage: to put asunder, put away as in divorce, (Mk 10:9; Mt 19:6); separate, depart. "This is a commonly used term for divorce", (Greek-English Lexicon, Arndt & Gingrich, Univ of Chicago, 1957, p. 899).
(v. 20b) "But for Adam no suitable helper was found.
(v. 21) So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh.
(v. 22) Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
(v. 23) The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."
(v. 24) For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
(v. 4) "Haven't you read," He [Jesus] replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'
(v. 5) and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'?' [Gen 2:20b-24]
(v. 6) So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
"separate" = "chOrizetO", divorce in this context. Str. # 5563 same root word as in 1 Cor 7:10.
Notice that marriage in general of all mankind, not just under the Law, is presented in Mt 19:4-6 by Jesus Christ from the perspective of Genesis 2:20b-24 as not to be separated, i.e., divorce is not acceptable between a husband and wife. Relative to the word "separate" = "chOrizetO", divorce is in view, not physical separation. To interpret the word rendered "separate" to mean that a wife must never physically separate from her husband would impose a non-sensical rule that would prohibit a husband from going on a trip without his wife, nor tend the herds or crops by himself nor even prevent a wife from distancing herself from a physically abusive husband - something that the Mosaic Law has made provision for. Hence we are left with the word "separate" meaning divorce, which is confirmed by verse 11.
(v. 10) "To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from [divorce] her husband.
(v. 11) But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife."
"But if she [a wife] does [separate from her husband] she must remain unmarried" =
"If ....and even she separates let her remain unmarried"
"Ean de ..kai ..chOristhE .....menetO ...........agamos"
If one is in a position of being a wife and then described as "separate" from her husband, wherein she now has the opportunity to marry but is exhorted to remain unmarried, then this points to the fact that she must have gotten divorced, not just physically separated from her husband. So "separate" = "chOristhE" in the context of these verses means "divorced."
"A wife must not separate from [divorce] her husband... And a husband must not divorce his wife" =
Paul then parallels the command that a wife must not separate from her husband with "and a husband must not divorce his wife" corroborating that Paul is speaking of divorce not just physical separation when he uses the word rendered "separate" = "chOristhE".
(v. 10) "To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from [divorce] her husband.
(v. 11) But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife."
Paul acknowledges that husbands or wives must not divorce. If they do, they are to remain unmarried or else be reconciled. This evidently points to unwarranted divorce wherein the marriage is not dissolved; for Paul addresses one legitimate reason for divorce later on in his letter.
(v. 10b) "A wife must not separate from [divorce] her husband. (v. 11) But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife, (v. 12) To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. (v. 13) And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. (v. 14) For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. (v. 15) But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace." =
In consideration of verses 12 to 15 which Paul does provide for an instance of legitimate divorce and remarriage, we may conclude that Paul does not rule out all cases for divorce. What he does prohibit evidently are unwarranted divorces.
(v. 10) "To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.
(v. 11) But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
(v. 12) To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.
(v. 13) And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him."
i) Not A Command But Godly Advice From Paul Follows
"To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord)" =
Paul does not provide here an absolute command from the Lord, but advice from his perspective to be individually received by believers in accordance with their own walk before the Lord.
(v. 12) To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. (v. 13) And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him." =
Paul offers godly advice for a believer married to an unbeliever not to divorce his/her spouse if the unbelieving spouse is willing to live with one. This advice is evidently not a command from the Lord, but advice from Paul to the believing spouse, which implies that marriages of believers and unbelievers are not God's choice, and may be dissolved by divorce.
iii) Paul Implies That It Is Not Advisable To Marry An Unbeliever
(v. 12) To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. (v. 13) And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him." (cont.) =
Notice that Paul implies that marriage between an believer and an unbeliever is not advisable - to the point of indicating that divorce is an option unless the unbeliever chooses to remain in the marriage.
(v. 10) "To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.
(v. 11) But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
(v. 12) To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.
(v. 13) And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.
(v. 14) For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy."
(v. 13) "And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. (v. 14) For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." =
"has been sanctified" = "hEgiastai", perfect tense, set apart to God as a result of the believing spouses' relationship to God, whereupon God will bless and provide opportunities to them to serve Him.
"unclean" = "akatharta", in this context an uncleanness, impurity relative to one being estranged from God - a spiritual uncleanness due to children's parents if the parents are not believers, i.e., not children of God. Thus the entire family of unbelieving parents would be estranged from a family relationship with God.
The children and the unbelieving spouse of a believers have been sanctified, i.e., set apart to God's blessing, protection and service to God as a result of his/her spousal relationship with a believer. On the other hand, outside of such a relationship with a believing spouse one is "unclean" which refers to the absence of a spiritual connection with God. This is especially important where children are involved, for children otherwise would also be unclean, lacking this relationship with God, (until and if they become believers themselves).
[The Expositor's Bible Commentary, Vol. 10, Regency Ref. Library, Zondervan Publishing, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1984, p. 230]:
"The word "hEgiastai" ('to sanctify') does not refer to moral purity - Paul is certainly not teaching that the unbelieving partner is made morally pure. What the word emphasizes is a relationship to God, a claim of God on the person and family to be set apart for Him... The perfect tense of the verb "hEgiastai" stresses that, being in a Christian family, the unbeliever has already become and continues to be a part of a family unit upon which God has His claim and which He will use for His service. The same is true of children born in such a family. That God has laid His hand on the Christian means that God has laid His hand on the children, and set them apart from Himself. They are holy (hagia, 'set apart for God') and not "unclean" - that is not spiritually separated from God, as was and is the case in unbelieving families."
(v. 10) "To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.
(v. 11) But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
(v. 12) To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.
(v. 13) And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.
(v. 14) For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
(v. 15) But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace."
(v. 13) "And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. (v. 14) For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. (v. 15) But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so, (lit. separate). A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace." =
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so, (lit., separate). =
"ei de ..ho apistos ......................chOrizetai chOrizesthO"
"If .but the unbelieving spouse .separates, .let him or her separate"
Notice that the word "chOrizetai" is from the same root word from verse 11, "chOristhE" which refers to separation by divorce. Hence the word "chOrizesthO" rendered by the phrase "let him or her do so, (lit. separate)" in verse 15 also refers to divorcing the unbeliever who chose to abandon his family.
Since a believer/spouse is advised by Paul not to divorce an unbeliever/spouse who is willing to live with him/her, (v. 13), implying that divorce is warranted in such a case;
and on the other hand, since a believer/spouse is advised by Paul to let an unbeliever spouse 'separate' if that unbeliever/spouse separates from the marriage;
then the phrase "let him or her do so, (lit. separate)" signifies an exhortation to divorce the abandoning unbeliever.
(v. 10) "To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.
(v. 11) But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
(v. 12) To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.
(v. 13) And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.
(v. 14) For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
(v. 15) But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.
(v. 16) How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?"
(v. 12) To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. (v. 13) And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. (v. 14) For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. (v. 15) But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. (v. 16) How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" =
Paul provides further reason why a believer should not divorce an unbelieving spouse who chooses to remain in the marriage: "How do you know... whether you will save your [spouse]" pointing to the possibility that unbeliever may be saved as a result of remaining in the marriage and being influenced by the believer/spouse unto salvation.
(v. 17) Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.
(v. 18) Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised.
(v. 19) Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God's commands is what counts.
(v. 20) Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him.
(v. 21) Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you--although if you can gain your freedom, do so.
(v. 22) For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord's freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ's slave.
(v. 23) You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men.
(v. 24) Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to."
The key then is to permit God's sovereignty to be the rule in one's life. Whatever situation God has evidently placed an individual believer in is the one he is to operate from until God changes the scenario. This points to the permanency of marriage, as God offers little option get out of a marriage. Life decisions are thus to be made in the light of one's appointed service to God within the framework of the principles of the Word of God. Divorce then for married believers is generally not to be considered. Divorce due to abandonment is an exception only for those married to an unbeliever.
ii) The Issue Of Marital Unfaithfulness Including Adultery Relative To Divorce Is Not Addressed
Since divorce is warranted in this passage for the instance of abandonment of an unbeliever, and since the issue of marital unfaithfulness including adultery relative to divorce is not addressed; then divorce due to adultery cannot be ruled out. It simply is not addressed here by Paul.
III) GOD'S VIEWPOINT ON SEPARATION, DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE
A) A BELIEVER IS TO DISTANCE HIMSELF FROM THE EVIL WAYS OF THE WORLD & THIS MAY INCLUDE ONE'S SPOUSE
a) DO NOT BE PARTNERS WITH THOSE WHO LIVE A SINFUL LIFESTYLE
Although Scripture commands the believer in general to obey civil laws; one must not obey certain specific civil laws which violate God's holiness such as aborting a child;
so in the same way, one must not obey commands relative to marriage when obedience would result in violating God's holiness such as becoming guilty by association with a spouse who commits rape, child abuse, incest, murder, drugs, physical abuse. Note that permitting a spouse to physically abuse oneself by not taking the option of distancing oneself from such behavior is tantamount to being partners in such evil. A believer must protect his/her soul.
The remedy in extreme cases may be physical separation for a season until the husband repents. She may utilize civil authorities to stop the husband from further evil if he breaks civil law. Physical separation does not mean divorcing the husband but simply distancing herself from him to avoid partaking of his evil. The time period of the wife being separated from her husband is to be sufficient for the wife to regroup and prepare herself and grow in spiritual maturity so as to make godly choices in the event her husband divorces her or decides to reconcile. A long physical separation may eventually lead the husband who is unrepentant to take up with another, commit repeated adultery and divorce his wife. This would provide God's answer to the wife without her having to initiate a divorce prematurely and preempt God's sovereignty in restoring the marriage.
When the wife simply leaves to take up a new life and not take excessive punitive measures or attempt to grasp at every material possession, the historical tendency is that the husband generally takes up with another and divorces his wife in a manner much less difficult on the wife. She might end up with fewer material possessions, although civil laws often protect her. But such potential material loss pales in comparison to the regaining of a peaceful life when she can grow in spiritual maturity with Jesus Christ as her husband learning the lesson of Matthew chapter 6: "Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you."
(v. 1) Therefore [Christians] be imitators of God, as beloved children [believers];
["Therefore, be imitators.." = Paul is commanding Christians in this passage, (Eph 14:1b - 3; 13:30-32), who are eternally secure, (Eph 4:30; Jn 10:28) to be imitators of God in their daily walk]
(v. 2) and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.
(v. 3) But do not let immorality or any impurity or greed even be named among you, as is proper among saints;
[Notice that Paul indicates the proper behavior for saints: moral, righteous behavior - as opposed to improper behavior: "immorality," and "impurity" and "greed". This strongly implies that saints can behave improperly and still be called saints, i.e., still have eternal life]
(v. 4) and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.
(v. 5) For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, or one who is an idolator, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ, even God.
(v. 6) Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience"
"sons of disobedience" = those who disobey the gospel, i.e., those who do not believe in Christ as Savior.
(v. 7) Therefore [you believers] do not be "summetochoi" = joint partakers [in disobedience, disbelief and sin] with them,
[Do not be joint participaters in sin with unbelievers = commands believers not to lead a lifestyle of unbelief and sin as unbelievers and carnal Christians do]
(v. 8) For you [believers] were formerly darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; [so therefore] walk as children of light
(v. 9) (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth),
(v. 10) [so do not sin by] trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.
(v. 11) And do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, [which are characteristic of the unsaved] but instead even expose them;
(v. 12) for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret.
(v. 13) But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light,
[The light of the righteousness of Christ which evidences itself via God the Holy Spirit in the conscience of every believer. Compare 1 Jn 1:5-7; Ro 9:1]
So the general principle of a child of God living a holy life set apart from the world is not to be overruled by the influence of a spouse's worldly, evil ways. A believer has the option to distance himself from his spouse, even to the extent of living apart for a season so as to avoid being partners in sin with his spouse. For example, should not a wife distance herself from a husband who beats her or molests the children or is into drug trafficking and other criminal activity such as murder, robbery or rape? So God's principles governing marriage such as obeying one's husband, not separating, etc., must not override the general principle of leading a holy life and distancing oneself from partaking of outright sin.
"If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house"
"If a man marries a woman" =
In the absence of any specific limitation, in view here are all Israelite husbands and wives, not to be limited to the period of bethrothal. Hence a certificate of divorce is not limited to only those who are betrothed, and have not consummated the marriage.
(Dt. 24v1) "If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house" =
"These are the words Moses spoke to all Israel in the desert east of the Jordah..."
In view of the fact that Israelites are in view throughout the book of Deuteronomy: "Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance", (24:4); then marriage and divorce involving non-Israelites or Christian believers is not directly in view in Dt 24. On the other hand, the principle of the permanancy of marriage as established by God in Genesis 2:20b-24 as related by Jesus Christ in Mt 19:4-6 are for all mankind.
(v. 20b) "But for Adam no suitable helper was found.
(v. 21) So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh.
(v. 22) Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
(v. 23) The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."
(v. 24) For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
(v. 4) ''' "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female',
(v. 5) and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'
(v. 6) [Jesus said] "So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
(v. 8) "Jesus replied, 'Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.
(v. 9) I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
Jesus refers to Moses' permitting the Israelites to divorce as due to their hard heartedness. On the other hand, our Lord points to God's plan for marriage for all mankind with the phrase "From the beginning," (v. 8b). He follows in v. 9, with "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another commits adultery." All mankind is in view including NT believers for our Lord has broadened the context by referring to marriage of all mankind in Gen 2:20b-24. Hence He implies that divorce for Israelites under the Law and all mankind outside of marital unfaithfulness is not legitimate. This leads to the conclusion that marital unfaithfulness is a legitimate reason for divorce. Finally, since marriage of Israelite to Israelite or NT believer to NT believer is in view, and since marriages outside of Israelites and NT believers is not in view, the divorce of unbelieving or non-Israelite spouses is not addressed.
"If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her" =
"something indecent" = "erwat dãbãr"; lit., 'the indecency of a thing' could be any kind of impurity or indecency.
(v. 9) "When you are encamped against your enemies, keep away from everything impure.
["everything impure" = "kol dãbãr rã" = lit., "everything evil" virtually synonymous with "something indecent" = "erwat dãbãr"]
(v. 14) For the LORD your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you. Your camp must be holy, so that he will not see among you anything indecent and turn away from you."